she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
