It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize