yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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