The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
