Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
