cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
