That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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