How's work?
Spinning.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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