Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
