i would punch a child for taco bell
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
