I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
