i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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