mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
