I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
