so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
