the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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