honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
