Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
All the doctor said was why
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
