I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
