drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize