are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
