I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Still dying that you shit outside
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
