I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
