i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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