i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
