my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize