highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
