So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
