At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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