I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
