Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
someone owes me an orgasm
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize