It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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