She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
