I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
