1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
