he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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