Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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