i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
