i think my tv is drunk
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
