oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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