Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
