Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize