meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
