'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
