Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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