I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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