im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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