I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My ass is underappreciated
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
