The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
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