I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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