Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
