this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
