Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
