Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
