i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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