I must be too annoying 4 u.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
