took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
