i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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