Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
