peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
