I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
