Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
