Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
