dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
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