I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize