I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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