it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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