Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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