I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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