In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It's shark week go big or go home
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
