I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
