While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
